Insurance Edge can exclusively reveal that the EU has a secret plan to force all UK based social media users to take out public liability insurance for any `alarm, distress or libel caused by commenting on Brexit.’
The new directive, put forward by French MEP Jean-Claude Bonquers, would require all users of Twitter, Facebore, Crapchat, LinkedIn, WhatsThat and many more sites to pay up to £75 per year to fund compulsory Third Party Liability Insurance. The EU is seeking to cut down on hate speech, insults and people mentioning the war, by making it a criminal offence to use the hashtag #restingMerkelFace, or mocking Luxembourg by covering its entire history in a 45 second You Tube video.
In particular, tweets that make fun of Belgian chips with mayonnaise, or French people shrugging too often, will be liable to a fine of up to 500 euros. Repeatedly posting comments about the poor quality of East European Eurovision song entries would see the guilty parties required to spend an entire month eating nothing but Lidl digestives.
The only way to avoid such draconian punishments would be to take out Liability cover.
Reaction from British politicians and celebrities alike to the move has been mixed, with Gary Lineker tweeting positively; `Go EU! We need to come down hard on these yobbos, graffioes, otherwise we’ll be up to necks in crusty jugglers and the like.’
However, Nigel Farage was typically forthright in his rejection of all thing EU-related, telling the Daily Express;
`I for one intend to keep practising my Ministry of Silly Walks wearing Union Jack boxers, and Brussels bureaucrats cannot stop me.’
The new EU directive is expected to come into force around lunchtime today, April 1st 2019. Cover can be obtained from a range of internet insurers, including Compare The Beermats, Doh Compare and Legal & Generous,